its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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