so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dignity is for republicans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
