I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i drank out of a bidet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
