I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
