I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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