Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
