i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
