This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
