i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
