im having a threesome with these popsicles
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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