There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
