i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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