We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
