Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
