walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
