i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
