What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
