Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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