I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
