So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
