you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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