Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
