My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love you. Go after that dick
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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