I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
