I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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