dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
