I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
