I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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