I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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