Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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