She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
