i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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