i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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