"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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