New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
