just come out here and I will go home with you...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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