My nipple is on Facebook.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
