legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
