Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think I just sharted jello shots
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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