Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
