there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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