No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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