I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
