You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
