Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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