I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
