3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
