I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Four minutes until I can fart!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
