I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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