Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
