You're my little dorito
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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