i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
