On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize