talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
