Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
