So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
