"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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