Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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