I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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