Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
