I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
