thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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