dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
