I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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