do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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