Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
