so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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