A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's like a pop up book from hell.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize