Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
