I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
